Betty ford says i'm here all night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
