oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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