He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
