She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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