Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
