I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
