Whod you bang
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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