fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
