this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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