Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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