It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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