I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
