have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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