I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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