I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
