tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
