hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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