Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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