so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
