I just made out with a guy for $7.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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