We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
