Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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