i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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