What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
