he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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