Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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