I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
