were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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