I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
