Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
