Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
