so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
