I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
