If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
