rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
