You're so nebulous sometimes
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
