sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
