she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
