covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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