and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
