I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
