guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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