woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
