i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
