bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
