i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
