this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
