the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
