just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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