But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
