now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
