Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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