the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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