I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
