I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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