I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
