My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
