Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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