My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
